Grief is a traumatic and disruptive experience. We spend most of our lives preparing to live. Most of us do very little towards preparing to die or to deal with death when it occurs for someone for whom we care, especially if that someone is a newly conceived or recently born child. Lack of preparation and understanding of the grieving process can make this traumatic experience worse than it has to be.
For those of faith, this life is said to be preparation for a greater life to come. We say that the next life will be better and more satisfying. Have you ever wondered why people of faith often grieve so deeply if they really believe their loved one has gone to a better place? Have you personally experienced intense grief over the loss of someone you know is better off and wondered why? Did this uncertainty cause you to question your faith? In the absence of knowledge about the grief process, we most often ask perplexing questions and are frustrated with the lack of or inadequacy of the answers provided by well meaning people around us.
Our natural inclination is to ask, "Why?" Why me? Why my baby? It isn't fair so why did it happen? Dwelling on the “why” questions usually only serves to increase our frustration and despair. There is often no adequate answer available in earthly terms for this theological, philosophical, and practical question. Many well-intended answers are offered by friends as reasons but they always leave some element of the question lingering. It is best to accept the fact that the answers will come for those of faith, but not during this earthly life.
Alexandrasrose.net is not a site with a recipe for fixing the brokenness of our lives. But the resources offered here and on the "Links" page offer perspective, and more importantly, support.
(adapted from Walking the Mourner's Path.com)
Steve Butler is chaplain at Caldwell Hospice and Palliative Care in Lenoir, NC where he has worked since 2003. Steve is a native of Chicago and has been a campus minister in Illinois, Ohio, and Wisconsin. He is also a former college chaplain & soccer coach. Most importantly, Steve is husband to Martha for over 30 years; dad to Catherine, Elizabeth, and Mark; and grandfather to Jamie, Raelin, Meagan, and Logan in addition to Alexandra. Steve loves golf and working on his family tree.
Steve's Bibliography:
"We Are Known as Christ's Disciples" grade 1-3 curriculum for the Discipleship Alive! series (United Church Press:2001)
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"A Letter From Heaven" "A Letter From Heaven is a poignant and heartfelt story that explains what happened to Jamie's sister before he was born. Within the letter, such themes as family, love, peace, life after death, and the connection with nature in terms of birth, death, and rebirth, are raised. The story is beautifully crafted to help children understand and cope with death. It is very positive and written with great care, emphasizing the grieving process that includes acceptance." |
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"We Do Remember You" "Steve Butler has provided a story of inspiration for bereaved families, especially children who are experiencing the loss of a sibling. The stories of heaven shared by the angelic children in "We Do Remember You" will be comforting to young readers while readers of all ages will learn how to celebrate and remember the precious lives of their loved ones." |
| To order a specially inscribed copy of either book, feel free to contact Steve at steve@alexandrasrose.net. | |
